Archive for the ‘random’ Category

When the revolution comes.

December 2, 2009

When the revolution comes we’ll be alright because I know how to grow vegetables.

When the revolution comes we’ll be alright because I can sew clothes.

When the revolution comes we’ll be alright because I know how to kill chickens.

When the revolution comes we’ll be screwed because I don’t know what to do after killing the chickens.

When the revolution comes we’ll be alright because I can navigate and tell time by the sun.

When the revolution comes we’ll be alright because I don’t care about anyone but myself but you can be included if you’d like.


(pudding)pop art

November 2, 2009

There is something satisfying about the way hot glue scalds my fingertips
so I don’t know what is skin and what’s not
I peel anyway

I have been working six hours;
placed seven lines 
and two shapes
onto the one board I painted black

doesn’t seem like much
but I like to think I’m deliberate,
or at least that’s what I’d tell a critic

Artist’s Statement:
A Deliberate Use Of Lines And Shapes In Fabric
Hot Glue Burns Satisfy The Artist’s Shame
In Making Things She Can Sell
Instead Of Performance Pieces From The Heart

(an exercise in my craft and medium is worthy of a place in an art show
even if it won’t move you the way I normally could
maybe you will smile)

She would have been 23

September 12, 2009


Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal.

Happy birthday Nicole.

Message Received

September 1, 2009


“No one knew how he continued to do what he did, while simultaneously they wanted him to shut all signs of his grief away, place it in a file somewhere and tuck it in a drawer that no one would be asked to open again.”


July 23, 2009

They said this city is like an onion

All these layers you can peel back

old city, south street, center city

South, west, north

to that little side street you call Home


Then you can picture the whole place in your head

Know how to feel about each one of these spots

Who lives there and how they feel


And why you can’t go to Those Corners

Because that’s the last time you saw them

And you knew it would be


Then you remember That Bar

Because you were in love there

And you made friends there

You don’t go that often

But those nights are always in your heart


This city is an onion, and these layers

Have been peeled back

cooked on cheesesteaks


You ate it up over and over

Sometimes you felt too full of it all

But it’s always delicious

Three Years Ago Today

July 11, 2009

I lost my best friend.


Lani’s suicide has affected me more than almost anything in my life. Still, I was lucky enough to know her and have spent so much time with her, and that has impacted me more than her death ever will.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, but today stands out more than any other. On the way home from the bank I rode by 15th and Spruce and stopped to look up at the roof she jumped from. It still makes makes me cry. 

And people wonder why I won’t go to the Fox and the Hound.

I have decided this time I won’t drink until I can’t feel anymore, which is something I haven’t been able to accomplish on any other anniversary like this. Instead, I am making a Luna Lovegood Costume for the Half-blood Prince midnight release. So far I’ve made her Spectrespecs.


I’m also making the radish earrings and cork necklace, and possibly a copy of The Quibbler. I’ll take pictures when I’m in full costume. I’m trying to convince Nan to dress up as Harry Potter because they have the same haircut. She’s refusing so far, even though I’ve given her an excellent reason.

Distracting with art and books. I guess this means I’m coping better(ish).

I miss my best friend so much, my stomach has been in my heart and my heart has been in my throat, and all I can do is swallow and pretend like I’m okay.

Sometimes I Wish

July 6, 2009

Look how happy she is.

shaving head

If I had that kind of money I’d have done the same thing. When you’re rich you’re allowed to say, “my life has been pretty bad lately, so screw it. I’m gonna do whatever I want and not care what happens.”


Another Goodbye, Maybe

June 24, 2009

Oral History Interview – George Pushkal

The person the New Jersey Department of Military and Militia Affairs is talking about is my grandfather. I found that when I googled his name, and I felt like that description didn’t do his experiences justice. When he talked about about WWII you could see the emotion in his face, how difficult it was for him to recall these events. It wasn’t so simple as everything is spelled out on that page.

He fought very hard, and escaped death far too many times. When he came home he fell in love and was married to my grandmother for 51 years until she died. I was eleven when that happened. Now, at 89 years old, my grandfather is in the hospital with failing kidneys and it looks like he’s not going to make it.

I’m sad about this, and I hope it isn’t painful for him. He wants to be with my grandmother again, but I will miss him a lot. I want to see him, but as I’m working for the first time in two weeks I can’t afford to take the time off if I want to have rent money. My mother said he doesn’t recognize anyone, so maybe it’s better that I don’t see him.

When you google my grandfather’s name, the first link to come up is a professional profile for my father. The second is an obituary for my cousin Joey, a solider who served in Kosovo and Iraq, who committed suicide last year. My grandfather wasn’t the same after that had happened, but I think to a certain extent he understood- they saw similar things in service, and my cousin couldn’t handle it.

I have seen a lot of death these past three years, but I still haven’t seen as much as my grandfather. It’s hard being in this limbo, not knowing what is going to happen to him. I’ll be okay though, mainly because I know he was always okay. It’s nice to have a real hero to look up to, but strange to know someone who has survived so much could be so close to death.

Okay then, in case you were wondering.

June 15, 2009


I was at the beginning and the end
Reaching for something to remember this by
And left empty-handed

It was worth it to try
It was worth it to feel this now
Even though I’ll never have the chance again

Just know: it doesn’t count when I have to ask-
It wasn’t anyone, only one I didn’t want to know about this-
And I don’t regret


June 14, 2009

I have always loved the ad campaign for Ralph Lauren’s Romance. Bruce Weber was an absolute genius in capturing the whole concept. I ripped the one above out of my mom’s Vogue and had it up on my wall all through high school. I still have it in a folder, and every now and then I take it out just to remind myself love is possible. For some reason I can’t find a larger image than that anywhere online. This is the best out of all the pictures, so I find it strange that the rest are so numerous.

This one is pretty great as well. They have Romance for Women and Romance for Men. The men’s photo series are much more aggressive and sexual, while the women’s are softer. It’s the Maxim versus Vogue thing I guess. But that’s why I like the first image I posted. It’s a combination of the two: soft and romantic because of the clothing and the way they stare into each others eyes; aggressive and sexual because of the pose they’re in. That image pretty much sums up what I want to feel like when I’m in love.

The Postal Service album Give Up sounds like what it is to be in love. The pain, the longing, the happiness, the complicated every emotion you always feel. I hadn’t listened to it in awhile, and recently Sally and I have had it playing nonstop. I forgot how much I feel when I hear it.

I don’t know what the point of this post was, except maybe I’ve been following how the people of Iran are protesting for their freedom and passion like that always makes me feel so much and it’s nice out and I wish I had someone to lay in the park with all day to talk about freedom and resistance and the world and what everything means…I’m secretly the most romantic girl in the world, but my inability to take what I feel and put it into actual words hides it well. It’s a problem, but I have faith. “True love will find you in the end.”



My grandparents. They’ve been married for 51 years, and are still in love. They toured Europe together last year, and this is from that time. My heartstrings are pulling.