Posts Tagged ‘grief’

She would have been 23

September 12, 2009


Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal.

Happy birthday Nicole.


Three Years Ago Today

July 11, 2009

I lost my best friend.


Lani’s suicide has affected me more than almost anything in my life. Still, I was lucky enough to know her and have spent so much time with her, and that has impacted me more than her death ever will.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, but today stands out more than any other. On the way home from the bank I rode by 15th and Spruce and stopped to look up at the roof she jumped from. It still makes makes me cry. 

And people wonder why I won’t go to the Fox and the Hound.

I have decided this time I won’t drink until I can’t feel anymore, which is something I haven’t been able to accomplish on any other anniversary like this. Instead, I am making a Luna Lovegood Costume for the Half-blood Prince midnight release. So far I’ve made her Spectrespecs.


I’m also making the radish earrings and cork necklace, and possibly a copy of The Quibbler. I’ll take pictures when I’m in full costume. I’m trying to convince Nan to dress up as Harry Potter because they have the same haircut. She’s refusing so far, even though I’ve given her an excellent reason.

Distracting with art and books. I guess this means I’m coping better(ish).

I miss my best friend so much, my stomach has been in my heart and my heart has been in my throat, and all I can do is swallow and pretend like I’m okay.